Love and Other Drugs

One of the beautiful things about having a blog is having the ability to shift it’s purpose. When I started this, I had every intent on making this a relatively impersonal type of thing, but as this summer has progressed, I’ve decided to change things. So yes, I’ll still be talking about news-y topics and of course I’ll continue to dish out opinions love and music, but I’ll also be writing things completely and totally for and about me, my life, and my experiences. This is just one of those posts…

I’ve always been less inclined to become emotionally attached to people…this is due to many circumstances, but primarily I would base this on the fact that I have come to understand that nothing lasts forever. I’ve moved around a ridiculous amount of times and after countless rounds of we’ll be friends forever and then watching that fizzle away, I learned that getting emotionally attached to anyone is probably not my best move.

Now, I’m not proud of this. It has made long lasting friendships almost impossible for me to maintain because of how quickly I’m willing to let go. This goes beyond friendships though, leaking into my romantic relationships.

However, I’m not immune to the disgusting sensation of butterflies in my stomach, though that would make my life much easier. I hate having crushes on people, it makes me absolutely stupid…there’s no other way to describe it. I’m unable to think straight, I never know what to say, I get antsy…it’s a pain in the butt if I must be quite frank. It messes with my productivity and as someone who enjoys seeing tasks get completed, I find it to be a relatively unsatisfactory experience–especially since the crush never lives up to the potential person that you’re hoping they would be.

Case in point–I had a crush on a specific guy recently. He isn’t a bad guy, he’s actually quite sweet, really intelligent, and also–unbeknownst to me–completely against dating black women. Okay–he’s not COMPLETELY against it, but he has his preferences of which white women happen to probably be at the to of the list. Am I mad about this? No…this actually probably is all for the best, because I was growing tired of our lackluster dialogue, but geez…another black man who doesn’t like black women? I’m hurt.

This seems to be something that black women tend to gripe about a lot, black men not wanting to be with black women, and while I’d hate to be a part of this group, I guess I took it personal with this guy. It brings in thoughts of that Kanye West line, you know the one from that fantastic piece of work, Golddigger:

So, stick by his side
I know there’s dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice
And they gon’ keep callin’ and tryin’
But you stay right, girl
And when he get on, he leave yo’ ass for a white girl

You betta tell ’em Kanye…you betta preach, *waves hand dramatically in the air*…so do we have a real reason to be mad? Really, I don’t think so. Just because a man doesn’t want to be with a black woman that doesn’t make him a bad person, it just means he wasn’t into you…try not to take it as a personal jab, just assume he only likes chicks who have hair that can reach their butt without extensions. That being said, what’s up with women who aren’t down with the swirl? You know what the swirl is, intermingling with other races. It seems that we’re so anti, but when it comes down to it, it could be a very nice alternative, I should know because I’ve been there.

So ladies and gentlemen, what’s the big point of this post? Get out of your feelings. Not just that, but embrace the people around you, because if all you’re doing is continuing to go to people that DON’T want you, you’re just going to be bitter about the love that could be standing right in your face with it’s blue-green eyes and short blond hair.

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When No, Means No

This post is on a topic very near and dear to me. I believe from the most sincere part of my heart that when a woman, man, or child says no in any sort of sexual situation, they mean no. 

Yesterday Rihanna released her video for her latest single, Man Down. No stranger to controversy, the video is relatively tame at best considering things we’ve seen from her in the past. The video begins with Rihanna shooting a man and then tells the story as to why.

Everything seems relatively care free for her in the Kingston, Jamaica background until you get to the end of the video. In the final scenes, you see that she was at a club, dancing with a man who later follows her out and then rapes her, therefore leading her to shoot and kill him.

As a woman who has dealt personally with a sexual assault, I think that something needs to be addressed.  No means no. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. We live in a time and place where sex is something casual, thrust in our faces with images that supposedly show that when a woman does a certain thing or dresses a certain way, she’s asking for sexual attention and that when she says “no” she’s playing hard to get.

On the other side, I do understand that some women who choose to wear overly revealing clothes do seem to call attention themselves, but that does not give anyone the authority  to decide for her whether or not sexual activities should happen. Point blank.

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Post-Grad Blues

With graduation out the way for many college students, the tough part has finally come–finding a job. However, it seems like there is good news for those seeking jobs. Employers report a double-digit increase in their spring hiring plans, according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers. And 41 percent of 2011 graduates report receiving job offers, up from 38 percent last year.

This may seem like a small increase, but considering that more students were applying for jobs, it’s a big deal. The market for new college grads went downhill starting in the spring of 2009 with the recession and financial meltdown leading to layoffs and a national jobless rate of 10.1 percent.

The unemployment rate for 20- to 24-year-olds with bachelor’s degrees was 8.8 percent in 2009 and 9.2 percent in 2010. As a result, more former students have taken on survival jobs outside their fields of study, moved back home with parents or applied for graduate school.

For those of you who have graduated, have you had problems finding jobs? Are you considering graduate school in order to not have to deal with finding a job yet?

And for those of you who haven’t, are you concerned about what this may mean for the future or are you encouraged since it seems that things are moving up?

And if you’re wondering how my job-finding journey is going, here’s a video where I talk about my time searching. It can also be found on ThoseGirlsAreWild.com.

Related articles

• Congratulations graduate! Here’s a job. (finance.fortune.cnn.com)
• Using Social Media Effectively as a New Grad (blogher.com)

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